From my Miami life column http://www.thethreetomatoes.com

I met up with a Miami friend of mine a few weeks ago that I admire so much and the first thing she said is “I’m in a lot of trauma right now.” We were standing at a cocktail party face to face but I was scared to find out what she was talking about. The first thing that came to mind was her health.

I stared at her for a moment thinking this can’t be. She is one of the most elegant and natural beauties I know. At 65ish, she is tall, graceful, thin, well dressed and cultured. She lives in Miami but spends half the year in Paris where she owns an art gallery. She has been lauded for her non-conformist art and for creating intellectually challenging projects.

What could be threatening her so? I heard her words, but it was the last thing I ever expected to say, “My husband of 38 years told me this morning that he was leaving me. He’s been having an affair for 20 years and wants to be free to explore the other relationship.

Her words were shocking to me. I had just met her husband at a party in my home a few weeks before. He too was handsome, fit, interesting, and friendly. When I recall my conversation with him, I remember thinking he was slightly mysterious. I felt he wasn’t in the moment. It could be my imagination now in hindsight, but I don’t think so. I can read body language and emotions pretty accurately but none of what my friend was telling me ever entered my mind.

What astonished me even more was that my friend was clueless. She never expected a thing. She said that he was unhappy from time to time but that was pinned on work, the state of the world, and getting older. As far as I am concerned, these are the normal growing pains as you mature.

I know a number of men who cheated on their wives for years. When you have worked in a man’s world like I have for 55 years you can be sure I saw it all. Many men confided in me because they needed to share their stories with someone. That was me. I’m proud to say that I never divulged any of the details I knew to anyone else. I didn’t have the need to. I felt sorry for these guys leading double lives.

By the way, many of these scoundrels ended up going back to their wives full time without any shenanigans. Why these women took them back was a mystery to me other than they had no choice. In those days, many women were uneducated, lonely and scared.

Today life is very different. My advice to my friend is to use this time of her life as a second chance to meet new men, be wined and dined, experience being wanted and care for adoringly and let yourself be a couple with others a few times. More than likely, hubby will be knocking at your door in the future filled with all kind of excuses for his crazy behavior and begging you back. You can’t make the right decision if you are just sitting around. Go out and live it up, even if it hurts for a while.