PUNS, PUNS, PUNS 

A writer I worked with 40 plus years ago recently sent these puns to me. It’s amazing how you can keep in touch with someone for so many years now because of the internet. Thank you Walter Salm for putting a smile on my face.

1) The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 

2) I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3) She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 

4) A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 

5) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. 

6) A dog that gave birth to puppies near the road was cited for littering. 

7) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in linoleum blown apart. 

8) Two silk worms had a race and ended up in a tie. 

9) A hole in the wall was found at a the nudist camp and police are looking into it. 

10) Time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana. 

11) Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

12) Two hats hung on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here. I’ll go on a head.” 

13) I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me! 

 
14) A sign on the front lawn at a drug rehab center: “Keep off the grass.” 

15) The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 

16) The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 

17) A backward poet writes inverse. 

18) In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes. 

19) When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 

20) If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. 

21) A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane. The flight attendant looked at him and said, “Sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

22) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

23) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire inthe craft. Not surprisingly, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. 

24) Two hydrogen atoms met. One said, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other said, “Are you sure?” The first atom replied, “Yes, I’m positive.”

25) Someone sent ten puns to friends, hoping at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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