How the Internet started according to the Bible  

Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. Trust me! They will lie to you.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.

Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder, long of leg, and she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a full camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

After thinking long and hard, Abraham decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out, were an immediate success, and Abraham sold all the goods he had at top price without ever having to move from his tent.

In order to prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS). She also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew to the People (HTTP).

Young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung, and they were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

Lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed, he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drum heads and drumsticks.

Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known and said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,” said Abraham, and because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that’s the truth.

I would not make up this stuff.


Written by Walter Salm, a senior tech writer.

Thank you Walter

Happy New Year

Photos by Eliot Hess

3 thoughts on “How the Internet started according to the Bible  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s