I did not edit the responses. Just copied and pasted the first to tweet. This blog post gives you a good idea of how Twitter works and how the tweets get posted.
The Onion@TheOnion
“I’m a sad, pathetic human being and a complete waste of life.” – Donald Trump http://onion.com/TUnbpl
rob delaney@robdelaney
Ann Coulter, Richard Mourdock & Donald Trump = appetizers. Mitt Romney = main course.
Lizz Winstead@lizzwinstead
BREAKING: Donald Trump replaces bed bugs as Americas #1 Pest
Scabby Crutchfield@curlycomedy
Ann Coulter and Donald Trump sitting in a tree, H-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Not Brian Scalabrine@BScalabrine24
BREAKING: Donald Trump demands to know what medical school Dr. Dre went to
Ann Coultergeist@OhNoSheTwitnt
Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin and Donald Trump are all trending so I can only assume Voldemort is next.
aaron blitzstein@BlitznBeans
This Donald Trump character is Andy Kaufman’s greatest bit ever.
Peyton’s Head@PeytonsHead
Mitt Romney just announced he’ll donate $50MIL to charity if Donald Trump will just shut the f••k up.
Kid Fury@KidFury
I demand that Mitt Romney announce the species of demon he is and that Donald Trump admit that his wig is a hovercraft.
Andy Borowitz@BorowitzReport
Attention parents: if you give your children even the tiniest bit of attention now, maybe they won’t grow up to be Donald Trump.
Drunk Ass Rick @Rickonia
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands to know what medical school Dr Dre went to
Drunk Ass Rick @Rickonia
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands Latifah tells what country she’s the queen of
New York Magazine@NYMag
Our expectations about @realDonaldTrump’s Obama announcement were clearly not low enough. http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/10/donald-trump-obama-college-five-million.html?mid=twitter_nymag …
Nancy Lee Grahn@NancyLeeGrahn
Donald Trump is the Honey Boo Boo of rich people #trump
JD Crowe@CroweJam
The Humane Society will give Donald Trump $5 if he releases that thing on his head back into the woods.
Ed Schultz@edshow
NOT BREAKING: Donald Trump releases edited video of himself shouting nonsense at a camera
Zack Beauchamp@zackbeauchamp
Amused that Donald Trump is essentially doing a “philantrophic” version of the Joker’s moral experiments in The Dark Knight.
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Jon Lovett@jonlovett
“It is not the policy of the United States government to negotiate with Donald Trump.”
KimJongNumberUn@KimJongNumberUn
At noon I will announce that Donald Trump is my real father.
Andy Borowitz@BorowitzReport
I think it’s very thoughtless of Donald Trump to schedule an appearance when so many of us will be eating.
Steven Amiri@StevenAmiri
Donald Trump’s big announcement is that his real name is Tronald Dump.
Josh Hara@yoyoha
BREAKING: Donald Trump to announce how easily a rich idiot can get everyone’s attention at 12 EST.
Charlamagne Tha God@cthagod
Patiently waiting for Donald Trump’s announcement at noon regarding our President so I can prepare my Donkey of the Day for tomorrow.
Dr. Jill Biden@JillBidenVeep
I think Donald Trump’s announcement is going to be that he once killed a man with only his hair.
Josh Hopkins@thedayhascome
Donald Trump plans to announce that his hair has become sentient and is controlling the thinky and movey parts of his body.
Roseanne Barr@TheRealRoseanne
donald trump is rumored to have been born on Planet X.
The Dowager Countess@theLadyGrantham
Donald Trump’s revelation will be that his hair was born in Kenya.
the gangster of oz@holllyyx
Donald Trump is the Kim Kardashian of politics. God forbid it’s not all about him.
The Daily Edge@TheDailyEdge
SOURCES: Donald Trump to reveal Wednesday that Barack Obama has fathered two black children with a Chicago-born woman named “Michelle”
Roger Simon@politicoroger
I don’t want to be too judgmental, but Donald Trump couldn’t be dumber if you cut his head off.
