For a good cry, watch this video after you read my blog post.  You’ll know how I feel today.

Today is 10 years since my mother, Ruth Schneider, died. It was a Tuesday. I am very overwhelmed on this decade old anniversary because I can’t believe how much the world has changed and how much she missed. As far back as I can remember, one of my greatest fears was losing her. When it finally happened. I was relieved that she was no longer in pain. 

I’ve been okay for 10 years, but today I’m very emotional. You can’t tell on the outside but inside I feel wiped out.  Time is moving too fast. I can’t slow it down. I live most days like it’s the last, but that doesn’t give me solace. I want someone to invent a time machine where I can stop the clock. Or I would love to pick a certain date, a precise hour, and relive that moment. I want to see if my reactions would be the same, and if my attitude would be different.

Ten years ago, we didn’t have smartphones, apps, Google, FaceTime. Skype, eBay, Amazon, Audible, Facebook. Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, iPads, digital cameras, and smart watches. 

While my mother would have loved hearing and using all of these inventions, they would have paled in comparison to her wanting to be with her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I know you can’t come back from the dead. If there was one person who could have managed it, it would have been her. The arrival of Ari, Ezra and Max Schneider, her great grandsons, would have been the force to get her back here. Perhaps one day, there will be an app for that.