The Smallest Flashlight
2
Laughing In Court
After you read these little two line stories, you will probably ask yourself what does this have to do with tech, art or travel? Not a damn thing. I thought they were funny and my former boss (42 years ago) sent them to me. Richard Ekstract owned a dozen or so tech publications so there is a connection.
How do court stenographers keep a straight face?
These are from a book called “Disorder in the Court” and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
__________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
__________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
__________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
__________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
__________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
__________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
__________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
__________
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
__________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Just had to boast that I got this all done in a week.
This is my grandnephew Ari. DigiDame just did an interview with him because he just completed his first theatrical stage debut.
Bitcoin Explained
At least once a week, someone asks me to explain Bitcoin. I have been holding on to two documents that answer 90 per cent of the questions I have been getting. My friend Alex emailed these explanations to me in December. They are perfect.
Thank you Alex. You are very generous to share this information with us.
Click here to find out about the technology.
Click here to find out about investing.
I hope this helps. I have also enclosed the Wikipedia explanation.
You Can’t Escape
Your entire privacy is about to go out the window, and there is very little you can do about it.
I know several technologists who are working on tracking devices that will be placed in the clothes you will be buying in the future.
What scares me the most is that you may never know exactly which garments are tracing your steps.
L.L. Bean is one is the companies who wants to put sensors inside your clothes and footwear so they can learn just how you use their clothes. From the minute you purchase one of their items, their sensors are tracking your every move. A song comes to mind. “They will know if you have been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!”
L.L.Bean claims that they will ask you if you want to opt-in when they start selling clothes with sensors. If you don’t want to, the item that caught your eye may not be available without a sensor. Your choices can become very limited. I personally don’t believe any manufacturer will be totally truthful. They may want to be honest, but mistakes will happen.
L.L. Bean has been telling the trade media that all the information collected will be kept confidential. That doesn’t make me any more comfortable.
What if I buy something and don’t wear it for months. Does that mean I get a bad score. and scolded when I go to buy my next item?
What if I buy a larger size? Will I get reprimanded for gaining weight? There is a lot to consider here. I feel like I am being spied on and there is no escape.
You Really Should Join Twitter
There are so many tidbits posted on Twitter each day. You really should join just to peruse. In one easy swipe, you learn things that would take you all day to read in various publications. It’s like reading headlines. Here is a sample from today.
Waterpik Also Introduced A New Whitening Water Flosser Yesterday
I didn’t want to tell you about two new water flossers at once. I thought they both deserved special attention. The second unit actually whitens your teeth while you are water flossing.
Here are excerpts from the press release we issued.
The Waterpik Whitening Water Flosser is ideal for those who don’t want to use harsh bleaching chemicals or undergo expensive treatments. Clinically proven to remove an additional 25% of teeth stains vs. brushing alone, the Waterpik Whitening Water Flosser is as gentle as regular toothpaste.
Combining patented Water Flosser and Whitening Infuser technologies, the Waterpik® Whitening Water Flosser mixes a gentle whitening agent with water to remove stubborn stains between the teeth and in hard-to-reach places that other products miss.
The whitening process is uncomplicated. Users insert a whitening tablet into the special Water Flosser handle, aim the pressurized water flow at teeth, then Water Floss as usual.
Using the Water Flosser for one minute per day helps restore natural whiteness to teeth in four weeks and maintains a whiter smile with ongoing use.
Delivering all the clinically proven benefits of Water Flossing, the Whitening Water Flosser removes up to 99.9% of plaque from treated areas, improves gum health, helps prevent future tooth decay, and has been proven safe for teeth and gums.
The Waterpik® Whitening Water Flosser is also accepted by the American Dental Association.
According to Dr. Chris Strandburg, DDS “The Whitening Water Flosser is a threefer because it whitens your teeth, it freshens your breath and it makes your gums healthy.”
The new Waterpik® Whitening Water Flosser offers a variety of features, including the patented whitening infuser, 10 pressure settings, 90 seconds of water capacity, a removable and dishwasher-safe reservoir, in-handle water flow control, and a new swivel-handle hose for improved access to hard-to-reach tooth surfaces.
The Water Flosser includes four interchangeable tips for standard use, as well as for those with special dental needs, such as implants and dental braces. Each Waterpik® Whitening Water Flosser comes with 30 whitening tablets (a one-month supply).
Priced between $79.99 – $99.99 (depending on model), the Whitening Water Flosser comes with a three-year warranty.
Now you know what I know. I bet you want one. Let me know.
.
Waterpik’s New Travel Water Flosser
What’s in the pouch?
A collapsible travel water flosser.
My PR agency, HWH PR, introduced the Waterpik ultra-compact, collapsible water flosser yesterday that is perfect for travel. There is nothing like it in the marketplace. We introduced the unit to the press at the Museum Of Art and Design located in Columbus Circle, NYC.
Called the Sidekick, the unit assembles in a snap and disassembles just as quickly for storage in a drawer, handbag, or briefcase. Sidekick tucks inside an included, zip-up, water-resistant travel pouch. It’s so small and so convenient.
It’s really adorable. I have been testing it for months. I love it because it works like a full size counter top unit, but it’s miniature. It will become standard travel gear, just like a toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, and shaver.
Waterpik expects Sidekick to attract people who never used a water flosser before.
The Sidekick weighs just over a pound and comes in three contemporary color combinations: white with chrome accents, white with rose gold accents, and black with copper accents.
Other features include:
• 5×7 inch portability
• 5 pressure settings with sliding pressure control
• Swivel handled flossing stylus with tip
• 60 seconds of water capacity
• Dual-function water reservoir that flips for travel and tidy storage
• Water-resistant, zippered travel case in charcoal fabric
• Global voltage compatible for domestic events or world tours
Powered by the same patented Waterpik technology in full-sized, countertop units, the Sidekick water flosser removes harmful plaque and bacteria between teeth, in hard-to-reach areas of the mouth, and below the gumline.
The Waterpik Sidekick sells for $129.99 on Amazon.com and Waterpik.com.
The press reception yesterday was wonderful. It’s really an amazing innovation because of the way it is designed and stored. It’s like carrying around a makeup case.
I can’t wait to give out a few to family and friends. Here are a few pictures from the press conference.
Good News For Deaf Theater Goers
Photo: Getty Images
My big confession. I miss many words being said on stage during a Broadway, or off-Broadway, theatrical production. Either the words sound muffled, or I can’t hear them at all. I also have trouble with accents. I can miss an entire conversation. I hate it.
I was thrilled to learn that a Tel Aviv-based tech company, called GalaPro, has created an app that will display a live closed-captioning system on my smartphone. Now, I can easily follow the script. No more second guessing what is being said.
All I have to do is download the free app and log onto the specific theater’s wi-fi network. GalaPro will do the rest. The app will automatically sync with the show, and then display the lines and the lyrics.The words will appear in red on a black background so that the glow on my smartphone screen will not bother neighbors.
GalaPro has signed many theaters in New York City and around the United States. This is going to change everything. I hope all theaters take advantage of this technology. Many people with hearing problems will definitely come back to live productions. That’s a good thing.
Read more in NY Post.
A Worker’s Privacy
Image :New York Times
The size and capability of Amazon is getting very scary. I just read that the company is thinking about developing a wristband that can track the moves of its employees.
No one knows for sure what Amazon is going to do, but the company has won two patents to manufacture a wristband that can actually be worn by warehouse workers so their productivity can be monitored. No more goofing off.
Amazon doesn’t usually comment on the technology they are testing, so there is a lot of speculation. Many people who are close to Amazon believe that the wristbands will become a reality because the company’s growth depends on strict disciplines.
The whole concept of spying wristbands give me the willies. I worry that years from now, tracking wristbands, will be commonplace.
Read more about this topic in the New York Times.
Eliot Scores Red Dot At Williams McCall @Frameworks Opening
Tonight was a cause for celebration. Eliot Hess sold a photograph at the Williams McCall @ Frameworks art gala and artist Hector Prado was proud to show off the official 2018 poster he created for the 55th annual Coconut Grove Arts Festival, which runs Feb. 17 through 19.
Prado’s poster, titled “Winds of Change,” was unveiled at a Jan. 18 reception at the Sonesta Coconut Grove Miami.
Frameworks is the official framer of the Coconut Grove Arts Festival.
There’s a red dot next to Eliot’s photo thanks to buyer Ron Moorman.
Randy, gallery owners Dawn and Gail, and Ron.
Todd Smith stopped by to congratulate Eliot.
Elliott and Mindi Lampert, Eliot and gallery owner Cris Sweeny.
Surprise, Surprise look who stopped by: Howard, Michelle, Jenn, Robert, and Scott.
Gail with Hector and Eliot.
Internet personality Katerina Cozias poses with Eliot and Lois.
Below……crowd shots.
